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FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORP'N, 18 Vesey St.,N. Y. 



Madame G. Whilikens' 
Beauty Parlor 

OR 

A MAN AT THE BOTTOM OF IT 
A Farce in Two Acts 



By 
VIOLA GARDNER BROWN 



Copyright, 1919, by 
Fitzgerald Publishing Cosporation 



FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION 

SUCCESSOR TO 

DICK & FITZGERALD 
18 Vesey Street New York 









^' 



M. '^b 1919 



&0I.O 52284 



MADAME G. WHILIKINS^ 
BEAUTY PARLOR 



CHAEACTERS 

Madame G-. Whilikens. ,A French Lady, Proprietor of 

Beauty Parlors 

Mrs. Stulepijin Lady Demonstrator 

First Attendant 

Second Attendant 

Mrs. De Sellem A Milliner 

Mrs. Biddy 'Mulligan An IrisTi Lady 

Mrs. Havensteffer A German Lady 

Miss Lily White A Colored Lady 

Miss Blanche Boardman Saleslady 

Miss Stella Simpkins Saleslady 

Mrs. Buttersp anker From tJie Country 

Mrs. Frisbee A Young Married Lady 

Persons to make noise at door. Not seen. 

Time. — To-day. Locality. — Anywhere. 

Time of Playing. — About fifty minutes. 

COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS 

Madame G. Whilikens. Black silk or satin dress, 
stylishly made and richly trimmed. . 

Mrs. Stulepijin. Any handsome, up-to-date house 
dress. 

Attendants. Black dresses ; long white aprons ; hair 
in latest style. 

Mrs. 'Mulligan. Purple dress ; green hat with yel- 
low roses. 

Mrs. Havensteffer. Short dress of any bright color, 
reaching to ankles; large, heavy shoes; shoulder shawl 
crossed in front and tied behind ; head bare. 

Mrs. Frisbee. Any stylish and becoming street suit. 

Miss Boardman. Blue dress, pretty and becoming; 
hat to match. 

3 



4 Madame G. Whilikins* Beauty Parlor 

Miss Simpkins. Street suit and hat of red or maroon. 

Mrs. Buttersp anker. Rather gaudily attired in gay, 
but out-of-date, street suit. 

Miss White. Fearfully and wonderfully dressed in 
all the colors of the rainbow; woolly wig; much gaudy 
jewelry. 

Mrs. 'Mulligan has red hair, freckles, turn-up nose, 
and deep wrinkles from nostrils to corners of mouth. 
Nose can be built up by nose putty, and freckles and 
wrinkles faked by brown paint, actors grease paints, or 
water colors. The spots on the blotched faces in the last 
act can all be made the same way; also the half of the 
demonstrator's face not yet treated, and Biddy's black- 
ened eye. The two large moles on Mrs. Havensteffer's 
face can be made with wax or nose putty. Each actor 
should be fully prepared as to make-up and costume. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 

Tray with a number of small articles : scissors, knives, 
spoons, tweezers, anything to make a racket when tray 
falls. Tin or granite wash bowl with small quantity of 
suds. Large towels. Small moustache for Mrs. De 
Sellem. 

STAGE BUSINESS AND DIRECTIONS 

(These directions, as well as the foregoing, are, of 
course, for amateurs only; professionals will skip them.) 

Don't take up your cue too quickly. Give audience 
time to take in speech of preceding actor. Articulate 
distinctly, and as loudly as the acoustics of the building 
require. Not more. 

AH plays should be carefully studied and rehearsed, 
and each actor perfect in lines and business before go- 
ing before the public. 

As seen by performer on the stage, facing audience. 
R. means right hand; L., left hand; c, centre of stage; 
CD., center door in rear flat; r.d., door at right; l.d., 
door at left. Up means towards back of stage, down, 
towards footlights. 



Madame G. Whilikins* Beauty Parlor S 

MADAME G. WHILIKENS' BEAUTY PARLORS 

ACT I 

Scene. — Madame G. Whilikens' reception room. Boors 
L., c. and R. Center table with magazines. Small 
stand for tray. Footstool. Sofa. Large chair for 
deynonstrator. Platform (may he a packing box), 
about a foot high for demonstrator's chair. Eight 
chairs for customers, two for patients under treat- 
ment. Telephone. Printed mottoes in large letters 
to hang on walls. (Have as many as yon like, so 
that they are appropriate) ^^ Beauty rules the 
world,'' ^^ Beauty while you wait," ^'Fat rapidly 
reduced," ''Thin people made plump," ''Hair dye- 
ing," "Skin bleaching," "Irregular features reg- 
ulated," "All Operations painless," etc. DISCOV- 
ERED : Ladies seated about room conversing, 
Stella and Blanche seated r. and l. up stage. 

Blanche. No, I don't mind telling you. We're all 
here for the same purpose, to improve our looks, of 
course. (Admiring glance at StellaJ But if I looked 
like you I don 't think I 'd have come. 

Stella. Why not? 

Blanche. IVe always wished I were a brunette, 
and I thought perhaps Madame could manage it. 

Stella. You're lots prettier as you are. I didn't 
think any one wanted to be a brunette. I don't. 

Blanche. No one is ever satisfied, it seems. It isn't 
just my opinion that I'm thinking of. You see there's 
a — young man 

Biddy. Lord, I wuz a-listenin' fur thot. 

Blanche (with disapproving glance at BiddyJ. And 
he admires brunettes. 

Stella. Ah, I see. How strange. 

Blanche. Not at all. 

Stella. It's such a strange coincidence. There's 
just one man in the world for me, and he prefers 
blondes. 



6 Madame G. Whilikins* Beauty Parlor 

Biddy. Now wudn't thot blow yer hat in the crick? 
She's goin' to get bleached to please her ducky, an' 
t'other one is goin' to get dyed to rope in Tier honey- 
bunch. Tare an' 'ouns, there's a man at the bottom of 
ivery fool thing a woman does. 

Mrs. De Sellem. I don't think it foolish to wish 
to be beautiful. It's a mere matter of business with 
me. 

Biddy. Me too, Pete. 

Mrs. De S. I have to try on hats for my customers 
quite often, when they say they want to see how it 
looks on some one else, and if I don't look pretty good, 
I'm liable to lose the sale of a hat. The better / look 
the better the hat looks when it's on me. See? 

Biddy. Business has been purty bad with yez lately, 
beloike ? 

Mrs. De S. (frowning). On the contrary, it is be^ 
cause I have been very busy that I have let myself go. 
This growth of hair on my lip must be removed, and 
I will have to get a hair tonic, I suppose. Also a few 
facial treatments, but no feature alterations. Fortu- 
nately my nose does not turn up. (Glances at Biddy; 

Biddy (smiles and gives upward swoop and wink). 
Hit 'em agin. 

Mrs. Butterspanker. This is some like the experi- 
ence meetin' we have at our church at the cross-roads, 
only it's 'nuther subject. I dunno as we wimmen that 
lives on a farm an' does house work and outdoor work 
an' everything, can expect to keep hansum. We git 
tanned, an' freckled, an' rough. 

Mrs. De S. If you think so why do you come here? 

Mrs. B. Ye see, it's this way. Ever sense my man 
dies, two year ago, I've had the dog-gonedest time to 
keep hired hands. So I thought if I could find a good, 
stout fellar and marry him, he'd stay on the farm. 
Then I wouldn't have to pay him nothin' but his board 
an' clothes, nuther. That'd be quite a savin'. 

Mrs. De S. Well, why don't you? Can't you find 
any? 

Mrs. B. Yeh. the woods is full of 'em, but there's 



Madame G. Whilikins* Beauty Parlor 7 

SO many fool girls hangin' 'round, that I hain't got a 
fair show. 1 11 have to spruce up some. 

Biddy (coming close and examining Tier), An' that's 
no lie neither. Sum 0' them freckles took off now, an' a 
few wrinkles, an' bechune us, ye'd be a beaut. 

Mrs. B. I don't think I asked your advice. I didn't 
notice it if I did. Mrs,. Frisbee hain't said nothin' yit. 
It's her turn, I guess. 

Mrs. Frisbee. Oh, I haven't much reason for wish- 
ing to look as well as possible. (SomeivJiat bitterly) 
Only to retain the J&rst place in my husband's regard. 

Biddy. It can't be did. 

Mrs. F. I begin to doubt it myself. He's always 
telling me that I look like thirty cents, counting the 
wrinkles that's coming round my eyes, praising the 
freshness and beauty of some other woman, and all 
that. 

Biddy (to tJie ladies). Oi told ye so. Nuther man 
in it. (To Mrs. F.J An' if I was you there 'd be still 
another man in it. 

Mrs. F. What would you do? 

Biddy. Thrump over, begorra. Whiniver he praised 
the broight eyes of the woman round the corner, Oid 
praise the swate smile of her husband. 

Mrs. F. It wouldn't do. He'd wreck the ship. 

Biddy. He'll mebbe wreck it in another way if ye 
lave him go on. But ye nadent. Ye 're sort o' faded, 
that's all. Get some glad rags on an' beauty up. Then 
when he smiles at the other woman, you smile at the 
man. He'll come a-runnin'. 

Mrs. F. (smiling). Which one? 

Biddy. Both of 'em. Both of 'em. Then you'll have 
both bowers an' the joker, an' the game's in yer own 
hands. (Upivard svjoop of liand to nose) That's all 
there is to it. Thrump over an' thrump high. (^ENTER 
CD. Miss Lily White, grinning and rolling Tier eyes. 
Biddy wMstles) Whew, there's a coon. 

Mrs. B. (jumping up excitedly). Where? There's 
been one after my chickens. 

Biddy (pointing at Miss WhiteJ. There. 

Mrs. B. Oh! A nigger lady. 



8 Madame G. Whilikins* Beauty Parlor 

Miss White. Yassum. An' I don't steal nobody's 
chickens, yoh heah me talkin'. 

Biddy. She didn't mean ye no harrum, Snowball, 
but phwat the divvel do ye want here? Yer too purty 
already. 

Miss W. I ain' gitten bleach, yo betcha life on dat, 
I don' wan' no white man fallin' in love wid me, sho's 
yo bown. Dat is, I ain' git bleach wite, I wanta be 
fade out light yaller. Dar's a chocolate coon 

Biddy. Blissid saints. Another man in it. 

Miss W. Yassum, jesso. An' a yaller girl is wuckin' 
nights an' Sundays to cut me out. 

Biddy. Thrump over. Yer on the roight thrack, 
Cooney. 

Mrs. F. Oh dear, I'm so afraid Fred will find out 
I've been here. 

Biddy. Shure Mike, Oid get it where the chicken got 
the ax if Pat 'ud ever foind this out. But Oil see that 
he donH, 

ENTER Madame G. Whilikens, c.d. Goes to platform 
and poses ivWk Tiand on cliah\ 

Madame. Ladees, I am sharmed to meet you here zis 
morning. I am rejoice to see zat you appreciate ze 
great eemportance of beauty. Eet is ze greatest power 
in ze world, and it is in ze reach of all. 

Biddy. Shure and thot's incurrigin. 

Mrs. Havensteffer. Mrs. Biddy, you butt in all de 
time. Mebbe so you petter let de Madame talk, don't it? 
Nopody else gits no shanse to say nodings. 

Biddy (going over to Mrs. H. and stroking Iter hack 
with Tier hand, soothingly). Do-n-'t get excoited, 
Dutchy. You'll start yer blood to cirkilatin'. 

Mrs. H. I wants to get home 'fore Fritz hunt me 
cop. Dere be somedings doin' if he find me here 

Madame. Eef ze ladees permit me, I will continue. 
By my remedies ze too plump ladee may become as ze 
sylph of ze ballet. Ze one too thin .may be as round 
and rosy as ze apple. Freckles and wrinkles disappear 
in a night. Moles, an' ze hair on ze lip remove zemselves 
instantly. In proof of my w^ork, I beg to show to you a 
ladee who have all blemishes remove from one side of 



Madame G. Whilikins' Beauty Parlor 9 

ze face, as you see. (Taps on chair with pencil, Demon^ 
strator ENTERS c.d. and sits therein) 

Mrs. Stulepijin. Ladees, behold all! A miracle! 
One side of ze face is like ze infant, ze other side is old, 
but will be young when ze treatment is finish. (Sen- 
sation) 

Blanche. Wouldn't that freeze you? 

Mrs. B. Well, Heavens to Betsey, if that don't beat 
eats a-fightin'! 

Mrs. De S. Did you ? 

Madame. As ze hour grows late I will have my 
attendants pass to you, an' take ze names an' ze treat- 
ment you require. You have seen ze proof of what I 
do. (Attendants appear with notehooks and pencils) 

Biddy. Oi say, Madame G. Whiliken, yer a thrifle 
fast. Yer cirkler said ye wud dimonsthrate on us. 

Madame (frowns and shrugs her shoulders), I will 
demonstrate on two of you, eef you are not convinced. 

Biddy. The proof of the puddin' is in the atin', 
begobs. 

Madame (looking around). Whom shall I select? 

Biddy. Take the purtiest wan. Now don't all spake 
at wanst. 

Blanche. Take Biddy for one. It may keep her still 
a minute. 

Biddy. Oim yer huckleberry. An' take Stavinheifer 
for the other wan. She never says a wurrd. 

Mrs. H. I keeps still unt saws vood. 

Madame. The ladees will pardone me one minute. 
(Beckons to attendants who have been taking directions 
from customers, and writing in notehooks. All this done, 
they follow her from room) 

Mrs. B. I'll bet you girls get what's comin' to you. 
She's mad 'cause you made her give more proof. 

Biddy. It's not costin' us a rid cent, d'ye moind thot 
now? An' whativer she does to us, we'll grin an' bear 
it. 

Mrs. H. De sign say ^'Painless." Nodings vont 
hurt us, hein? 

("ENTER Madame with attendants, one hearing tray with 
many small implements, the other a howl or pan of 



10 Madame G. Whilikins' Beauty Parlor 

suds; only a little is needed. Tray is placed on 
table and bowl on stand. Both carry large towels) 

Madame. You will take dose chairs, Ladees. (Indi- 
cating chairs nearest tJie table) Mesdames? 

Biddy. Me name's Biddy 'Mulligan, more power 
to yer elbow. Mate me frind, Mrs. Stavinheifer. 

Mrs. H. Dot was not my names. You call me dot 
some more an' I make your nose your face all over. 
I vas tired of dot yoke. 

Mrs. B. Golly Moses, who cares what your names 
are? Shut up and let Madame go on with her cat 
killinM 

Madame. Ze attendants will now give you ze treat- 
ment you require. (Attendants place ladies' wraps on 
sofa, and stand beJiind chairs) 

Biddy. Oil have these freckles off, and the turn-up 
part of me nose, Oim not nadin' it. An' (Pointing at 
placard) all operations is painless. 

Mrs. H. (feeling of nose), Dis mole my nose on, I 
have it off. 

Biddy. Which do you want off, Dutchy, mole or 
nose? 

Stella. Somebody gag that Irish talking machine. 
We won't get away from here to-night. 

Mrs. F. She'll get palpitation of the tongue pres- 
ently, then she'll have to stop. 

Mrs. H. An' dem two big wrinkles (Indicating lines 
from nostrils to corners of month) you dake off me, 
widout pain? 

Attendant. Certainly, Madame. (The chairs are 
arm-chairs. Attendant removes tray from table and 
places it across Mrs. H.'s lap, resting on arms of chair. 
The other attendant puts basin or bowl on small stand, 
and draws it close to Biddy, touching her lap. Both 
put towels round patients' necks, Biddy eyes pan suspi- 
ciously) 

Biddy. Phwat the divvel's thot fur? Oi washed me 
face at home. 

Attendant. For a facial, Madame. This is our 
Magic Sea Foam. (Lathers Biddy's face briskly. She 
struggles and sputters) 



Madame G. Whilikins* Beauty Parlor 11 

Biddy. Aggh. Whooch. Kape yer dirthy stuff out 
o' me mouth. (Attendant works aivay unheeding) 
Ow, ye spalpane, stop it. Is this a barber shop? I 
didn't come here to git shaved. (MeanwJiile the other 
attendant is working away at Mrs H.'s mole) 

Mrs. H. Ach, Himmel. Dem sign say ''Bainless.*' 
Wot you call dis? Hein? 

Attendant. Painless to the operator, Madame. I 
assure you I feel no pain whatever. (Works away at 
nose) 

Mrs. H. Ach, I got nuff. Stop it. Donner-blitzen. 

Biddy (who has continued to struggle). Stop it, ye 
blitherin' gossoon. YeVe lathered me but ye don't 
shave me, begorra. (Biddy jumps out of chair and 
upsets hovjl. Ladies all clap hands. The next minute, 
so quickly one crash follows right after the other, Mrs. 
Havensteffer jumps up, overturning tray of imple- 
ments. Curtain comes down with a rush, as Biddy yells) 
'' Whooch- whirroo ' ' (and Dutchy howls) *^Geh der 
Tuyfel.'' 

QUICK CURTAIN 

The interval between acts may be filled with a song, 
song and dance, monologue, or instrumental music. 



MADAME G. WHILIKENS^ BEAUTY 
PARLOR 

ACT II 

Scene: — Same interior hacking and stage setting Only 
change in costumes is the addition of veils. DIS- 
COVERED : Blanche and Stella seated, convers- 
ing. Street costumes, veils down. 

Stella. I wish she'd hurry. It takes me an hour 
to get out home. The cars will be so crowded, 1 11 have 
to stand up. 

Blanche. Better room down town, like I do, then 
you can keep tab on things. 

Stella. Aw, I know too much now. But I would 
live closer in if I could afford it. I wish Madame would 
get a move on. 

Blanche. You won't get any satisfaction out of 
her when she does. 

Stella. Watch me. You'll see. 

ENTER Madame G. Whilikens 

Madame. Bon soir, ladees. Eet is von charmante 
day. 

ENTER Biddy, red veil down; sits. 

Stella. ''Day" nothing. I came to get my money 
back. Just look at my face. (Raises veil, disclosing face 
blotched with large light and dark spots) I'm a sales- 
lady and my job depends on my looks. 

Biddy. Holy smoke. Ain't that mug a peach? If 
yer job depinds on that, yer name's Dennis. 

Stella. Keep your comments to yourself. I was 
speaking to Madame. 

Madame (shrugs shoulders and throws up hands), 

12 



Madame G. Whilikins' Beauty Parlor 13 

Bon Dieu, Mamselle vould treat herself at home to 
economize, an' behold she have not apply ze face bleach 
correctlee. Eef she had come to my rooms every 
time 

Stella. Piffle. It'd been just the same. And the 
young man that likes blondes, and I was trying to be 
one to please him, he's turned me dow-down. (Sobs) 
Said I was doin' the leopard act an' he wasn't runnin' 
no animal show. I've lost my job an' my steady an' 
I'm goin' to sue you for dam-damages. (Sobs) 

BipDY. Looks like ye'd got 'em. Bether sue for 
repairs. 

Madame. Eet is ze man's fault, Ladees, not mine. 

Stella. It's your dinky old beauty shop, that's 
what. I wish I'd never heard of it. (Wipes eyes) 

Blanche. I'm in the same boat with Stella, in a 
way, though I ain't takin' it to heart like she is. The 
young man I was payin' attention to was always admir- 
ing brunettes, as I told you the first time I was here. 
And that was why I had my face and hair darkened. 
I thought it would be dead easy to change it back again 
if the scheme failed. You said so, Madame. 

Madame. So yoiiy^ young man prove feekle also, an' 
you seek to be revenge on me. Non, non, my ladee, eet 
is ze man's fault. 

Blanche. You said strong vinegar 

Madame. For ze face, yes. Did you apply to ze 
hair ? Sacre, eet set de dye till it come off nevaire. Eet 
remove ze face color beautifuUee. 

ENTER Mrs. De Sellem. Madame smiles and waves 

Iter to seat, 

Stella. Mr. Prancer said 

Blanche. ' ' Prancer ? ' ' 

Stella. Yes, he 's floor walker at our store. Do you 
know him? 

Blanche. Good Heavens! Phil Prancer? 

Stella. That's him. What do you know about that? 

Blanche. Why, he's the one / was stuck on. He's 
been stringin' us both. I didn't know you knew him. 

Stella (bitterly). I didn't. No more did yon. We 
only thought so. 



14 Madame G. Whilikins* Beauty Parlor 

Mrs. De S. 'Thil Prancer?'' Is that the handsome 
floor walker at Marshall's? 

Blanche. The very same man. 

Mrs. De S. I guess yon haven't heard the latest. 

Stella. Well, wJiat's next? Did he sell you too? 

Mrs. De S. When I was in there this morning I 
notices there was a new man on his beat and I asked 
the glove girl, and she said Prancer had pranced off 
on his wedding tour. Married yesterday. 

Blanche. We're both stung. Did you hear her 
name ? 

Mrs. De S. Burnham, the girl said, Bessie Burnham. 

Blanche. That putty-colored scare-crow. Neither 
blonde nor brunette, and a mouth like a catfish. Turned 
us down for the likes of her. 

Mrs. De S. The glove girl said there was some money 
coming to the bride. 

Stella (fiercely). There's something else coming to 
her too. I'll give her two weeks. He'll be tired of her 
by then, and my face will be all right by that time. 
If it isn't it'll be half of forty-six for Madame. 

Blanche. Don't do anything wicked, Stella. All / 
care for is my hair being spoiled so no other man will 
look at me. I don't care a hang for Phil. (Covers face 
with hands and sohs) 

Biddy. Oi say, is this a funeral? 

Mrs. De S. It's the next thing to it. It's a wake. 
They've both waked up. But I don't see why you 
didn't find him out before. You girls seem well ac- 
quainted. 

Stella. We worked at the same store a year ago. 
We haven't met for six months till we met here last 
week. 

Mrs. De S. Oh, I see. Lots of things can happen in 
six months. 

Biddy. Shure Mike. It don't take a thing long to 
happen when it gets started. RENTER Mrs. Haven- 
steffer, patches between eyebrows, on nose and at each 
corner of mouth) Hello, Stavinheifer, what's struck 
ye? Been empirin a ball game? 

Mrs. H. Nein. Dose blasters vas on de mole vat 



Madame G. Whilikins' Beauty Parlor 15 

was my nose took off, an' de wrinkles on. Fritz vas 
gone a week yet, to see his moder. I be's purty ven he 
gets home, don't it? Maybe dis face not get veil, vat 
you tinks ? 

Madame. Certainlee, you be beautiful in a veek. 

Mrs. H. Veil, don't you send him bill. I bays you 
mineselluf. I vants Fritz to find dis out neva. I catch 
der Tuyfel. 

Stella. Glad I haven't a husband to be afraid of, 
ain't you, Blanche? 

Biddy. Thot's roight, always whistle whin yer goin' 
through a graveyard. Bate yer hooks an' thry agin. 
There's as good fish in the sea as was iver cotched yit. 

Stella. You're so ready to say things about other 
people, suppose you give some account of yourself. You 
might as well put up your veil; we can see through it. 
What ails your eye? ("Biddy 7'aises veil, disclosing 
hlackened eye) 

Mrs. H. You got somedings in it, soh? 

Biddy. B etcher loife. 

Mrs. H. Vot vos it, hein? 

Biddy. Pat's fist, begorra. He saw me coming away 
from here, an' whin I got home I got this. Said he'd 
kill me if I come here agin. 

Mrs. H. Ach. Too bat, too bat. 

Biddy. It's bad enough, but ye ought to see Pat. 
I've got wan black eye, but he's got two, an' he's in 
the hospital an' I ain't. He hit me first, but I hit him 
last, bedad. (Upward swoop and wink) 

Mrs. H. Vat you tinks happen you ven he git out of 
dere? 

Mrs. De S. She'll probably put him back in. 
Madame, you gave me two bottles, one large, and one 
small. Which was the hair remover and which the hair 
tonic? I couldn't read the French labels. 

Madame. The small bottle was the remover, for your 
upper lip. 

Mrs. De S. Luck it was squall. I got them mixed, 
and put the hair tonic on my upper lip. Just look at 
that. (Raises veil) 

Biddy. Gee, isn't that mustache a peach? 



iCf Madame G. Whilikins' Beauty Parlor 

Mrs. De S. I put the entire contents of the small 
bottle on my head. It's well that wasn't much of it. 
Biddy. Head or bottle? 

Mrs. De S. It took the hair off as far as it reached. 
I want this matter attended to before my husband finds 
it out. I'm ^^out of town" and I want this all fixed 
before I get back. Do you see? 

Mrs. F. Madame, I want something to heal up my 
face. I told Fred I got sunburnt, but he acts suspi- 
cious. 

ENTER Miss Lily White, face showing streaks and 
spots of wMte on a black hackgroiind. LaugJiter 
and exclamations. She rolls eyes wildly. 
Miss W. Dis ain' no laffin' mattah, sho's yo bawn. 
Somebody gwine pay fo dis. 

Biddy. Madame G. Whilikens, the coon's right. 
We've all burnt a lot o' good money here, an' we look 
a dom sight worse than we did before. It's up to you 
to fix us up fore our min foind it out. Bechune us 
it'll be as bad for you as us if they iver do. You ca^n 
put that in yer pipe an' smuk it. (Loud ring at tele- 
phone, Madame answers) 

Madame. Hello. Yes, yes, Madame G. Whilikens. 
Non, non. No gentlemen allowed. (Excitedly) I say 
you must not come up. Your vife ees not here. Go 
away eenstantly, (Hangs up receiver) Ladees, vat vill 
ve do? Zere are many voices, an' all say, '^I come for 
my vife." (Trampling feet are heard on stairs) Run 
for your lives, Ladees. I vill try to hold ze door. 
(Locks door nearest 'phone, and hacks against it. Loud 
knock or ring at door. All are rushing wildly about 
room. Some try the other two doors, which will not 
open. All are frantic) 

Biddy. Wirra, wirra. Pat's out of the hospital. 
Let us out, Madame. 

Madame. Alas, ze other doors fasten wis spring locks, 
but I cannot leave zis one. (Loud and continued knock- 
ing at door. Breaking of wood is heard as curtain 
drops) 

QUICK CURTAIN 



MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. r. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 4 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2}^ hours 10 4 

PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2^ hours.. 10 4 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; IJ^ hours 9 G 

ISABEL, THE PEARL OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 9 3 

BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 6 Acts; 2^ hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3Act8; 21^ hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2}4 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 8Act8;2hours 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2)4 hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; li^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE AVEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; I34 hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEIVL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; li^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN ^VALL. (15 cents) 11 8 



FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION 

SUCCESSOR TO 
DICK 8s FITZGERALD, 18 Vesey Street, N. Y. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



COMEDIES AND 

25 CENTS EACH 



017 400 458 4 



BREAKING HIS BOiN^DS. 4 Acts; Shours 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 11 

. COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 St&ge Setting 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes.... 

DOCTOR Br COURTESY. 3Acts;2hour8 

EASTSIDERS, The. 8 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAT^. 6 Acts; 2 hours 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 8 Acts; 2^ hours 

GYPST QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours , 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 8 Acts; li^ hours , 

JAIL BIRD. 5Act8; 2}^ hours 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4Act8; 2i^ hours 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2i^ hoiiri? 13 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours 5 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3Acts;2hours 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 5 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2% hours 6 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 7 

WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2^^ hours 4 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4Act8; 2 hours 8 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3Acts; 2^ hours 11 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 6 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2Vi hours ... 5 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

CRAAVFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2^4 hours. 9 



FITZGERALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION 

SUCCESSOR TO 
DICK & FITZGERALD, 18 Vesey Street, N. Y. 



